now i would have to... =c

in tryin out new headers i l.ost my previous beloved one =cccccccccccc

can't find it again in search aswelll = ccccccc

now i would have to have to change

please tell........

should i change the header && the entire theme of this blog?
or
just the theme?
or
 just the header?
or
NOTHINGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????????


another option i have at the moment is this:

&& then entire theme would be black & purple!

so the verdict please?

aray haan

what i had in mind was to share this poem i received in a text message =p
awww it is so touching & ....

around the corner i have a friend
in this city that has no end
the days go by & weeks rush on
& before i know a year has gone 

i never see my old friend's face
for life now has swift pace
he knows i like him just as well
as in the days when i rang his bell

in times when we were younger when
but now we are busy tired men
tired of playing a foolish game
tired of trying to make a name

tomorrow i say i'll call on him
just to show that i am thinking of him
but tomorrow comes & goes
& distance between us grows & grows

around the corner, yet miles away
here's a telegram: sir he died today
that's what we get & deserve in the end
around the corner, A VANISHED FRIEND....

totally....

i have totally forgotten what i had in mind, a day back, to blog about  =/

desires-

want to fly away from all the mess , into a peaceful, peaceful land.


want to live life my way, without interruptions && enforcement.


at least you are totally mine, oh so much mine- but i am not gettin enough of you, not getting you =c


so totally not gettin you.


=c



 

false!

this add is sooo wronggggggg- mine is givin problems ever since i brought it- && now it`s totallly khrab =c

of him & her 2.....

someone up there was smiling at the two dark & sinister pages -
while the angels weaved the picture of their life HE silently took away the black thread-

`it was rainin - continuously
omg the bliss of rain- 
it was seeping inside her heart-
some one sure is looking after her
either things have started falling to the place or she was-
she was actually seeing colors-
those lavender flowers amidst the green green leaves-
red leaves hidden among those fresh greens
she could feel how happy the soil was -
yes she could see the amazing violets && pinks, fuchsias  in the feel of that embrace-
she could see the reds && oranges of wild wild passions in those arms , tightly wounded around her
she could see the deep burgundy && maroon in the way they`d snuggle-
yes ...
the grey grey ashes were blown away by the stronger breezes taking charge of her life
yes all the blacks were sidelined as he brought in the fluorescent hues of his love && care- `


her face was glowing with zeal & ardor. She smiled facing upwards, gratitude radiating from her every pore.


`he was overwhelmed , for himself or may be for themselves,
still confused && lacking understanding but there was something,
some sort of burden being lifted off 
or maybe it was her radiance
her smile
her contagious laughters 
that were unsettling him-
may be those sparky eyes were lighting his path , showing way away from the darkness.
but he could not or may be would not open himself
may be their life would stay that way-
full of love but lacking understanding
full of joys of togetherness but parted by strong walls built around their brain
she meant the world to him but their was some blockage, she wont open her mind & heart to him-
she`d keep her thoughts tightly protected-
he was her life yet he won`t think aloud
he kept his mind & heart blocked-
they were two souls in one body yet apart-
THEY WERE MADLY IN LOVE-
love that was so intense that it seeped in their lives ,wiped away the tears && crept past the walls & hurdles to settle deep inside the hearts, snug & satisfied.`


The tears made their way to that tender spot at the left of his chest.
His heart ached for all those lost moments....
Yet his lips curved into a deep , contented smile as he thanked the `Good ol` fellow` watching after hi-them


`quick , quick , quick....flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy` her laughter was still vivid ,like the melody of his heartbeat.
Her eyes so full of mischief as she closed the door, unaware of half of her clothes still hanging out
`runnnnnnnn` was what her heavenly lips would form with that bewitching laughter....
every time........

dua

jo miley hayat e khizar mujey
aur usay mein sarf e sana karu
tera shukar phir be ada na ho 
tera shukar kesey ada karu


terey lutf ki kui had nahi
ginoo kis tarah k adad nahi
nahi kui terey siwa mera
jisey yaad terey siwa karu


mein bohat e ajiz o benawa
terey agay meri bisaat kya
mein kaha karu tu suna karay
tu deya karay mein leya karu


terey dar pay kham rahay sar mera
teri rehmato may guzar mera
kui bhool ho tou maaf  kar
mujey bakhsh day jo khata karu

it`s still not working

the apostrophe[link]

of him & her...

`It was settling inside her, like a very heavy burden-
plunging deep deep down like a heavy stone in the buoyancy of the beauty sea
 mounting & mounting- pressuring the rebel inside her to wake up & liberate the free spirit inside her-
free yet weak-
free yet cowardly-
abashed, aghasted, perturbed, unsettled-
There was a haze-through which she couldn`t see.
She wanted everything to be perfect - but could not bear to struggle for it-
She was way too much optimist- but only like a pigeon that will close it`s eyes on the face of danger to dream about a wonderful life-
She was stubborn as well- not listening to the loved ones outside or to the rebel inside her-
She would take it on- take every challenge on but with a disturbed mind & broken heart-
not openin her mouth or not fighting against- just taking it on.
Not because she was too good or too strong-
only because she was a coward-
But then where do cowards go? Do they have to suffer because of there mousy nature?
I don`t think so, I think nature has it`s way with everyone-
She hoped with all her heart for the right way-
not only to be shown but for the Mghty power to hold her hand && guide her through life- 
because 
the symbols she wont see-
struggle, she can not. she won`t-
rebel, she`d never-
so the only way was for God to hold her in lap && guide her to a wonderful life`


As she settled in bed to read her diary - like daily, this entry caught her eye today..
& all the events of those gone-by years came rushin back to her as she smiled amidst a tear.


`He could feel it, the frustration building up inside him-
the helplessness & most of all the lack of understanding.
It was killing him , not knowin was killin him-
not knowin whats goin on behind 
not knowin how to change it
infact hhis agony was of not knowin what to change-
there was intimacy-
A LOT of intimacy
but there were thousands & thousands of walls 
the walls of silence
there was love-
A LOT of love,
the love that is so true & so deep that it could be felt from a thousand miles
but there were tousands & thousands of hindrances-
the hurdles of zipped lips & burnin passions.`


He smiled with those shinin black eyes & heart so full as if it will burst any second....


it happened 20 years back-
leaving behind only sunshines & rainbows -

why?

Islam- at it`s inception was such a beautiful religion which has been distorted && torn into pieces of sects, believes , disbelieves && tenaciousness-


sometimes i wonder who these `Muslims` are who have made this religion a most difficult path to follow-
i wonder since when have my life become their subject??


i happened to attend a dars a month or two back-
now the lady who was takin the classes asked all of the audience at last day that would you people come if we call you once a  month for the re-enforcement-
they all were like yes of course it`s neither difficult nor an impossible demand-


now till here it was reasonable-


then came in the typical mulla-dumbheadedness(no -offence anyone)
from there she adopted a voice with a tinge  of sarcasm to add to the hues of here beauty speeech *rolls-eyes*
she said : okay then you all are agreeing then if you wont come you would be answerable to God then no matter if you are ill or busy or even attendin your own (damn) wedding =/


like WTH maaaan 
God is soooo beautiful && kind && beneficent-
why are you depicting such a face of God that does not exist-
=/
sayin yes we`ll come is not a pledge -
He`ll not come down on earth && starngle you for not comin=c
He loves us more than 70 mothers-
&& this happens many a times i tell my mom i`d visit you today but i dun *ma` this happened that happened*
&& she understands so do you think God will be cruel to you even when it`s not a wajib amal- it`s not a namaz or roza .


God is beautiful && lovessssss us


there are thousandsssssssss of examples how they are portrayin our very own Islam as somethin cruel-
okay fine you guys do perfect pardah- 
you rush over to masjid for every namaz
you meditate- you show your love to Quran
sure sure you`ll get all the reward- you`ll rest on those silk pillows in Jannah- but how would you be answerable to God for the human hearts you break???
Can God forgive that??


what would you do dear mulla aunty if i die today- how would you seek forgiveness from me for the sting you put in my heart when you said *how do you know* in your aweful astonished fashion-
if you have forgotten that was when i told you the name of Surah you forgot in your lecture-
yes it was hurting and painful for me as if I am not a Muslim && that i dun know what Quran is-


&& it`s not even the matter of my diein lol you dun know the hurt you`ve inflicted- not once but several times so you wont ever apologize for it-
then what will become of you ? 


Islam is not cruel so stop makin fuss of it
stop makin people afraid of God-
you are not answerable for anyone but your deeds-


yesterday i was skypin with my sister in law(australlia) when she told me that they were strollin in a mart when her son`s(4yrs) foot entangled in his bicycle && was not comin out so she dialled emergency &&  a firebrigade rescue 15 && an ambulance reached there within five minutes && my heart wept for all those Muslims who are not ` any nationals` -
are they not human beings???
 are they not entitled to privileged livin??
=c


ps: no one answered me in the previous post as to who was the first blogger ever to make a blog?
pps: i think i am openin up to blogger- which i *thought* was pretty much difficult=s

who was the first blogger.. EVER?

i love autumn-
just the feeling of autumn makes me go all giddy inside-
the sound of breaking twigs && the autumn leaves -OMG-


i love the blogs which dun have that word verification thing whenever you comment-
i used to love the blogs which didnt have the owner approval for comments - before i had to acctivate it on mine =p
 i was getting `hate comments` i mean why lol why do you people read it if you have to put up dirty remarks- duh-
neways- i love the adorable followers, you guys are always sweet =) <3


there`s this weird thing with me that when i follow a blog i dun know why i just cant bear to read the postings prior to my joinin but i enjoyyyyyyyyy readin the post follow-in posts =p lol *is it only with me*??


the drafts page of blogger`s new interface resembles that of ritepad.com[link]  
sooooooo much-

btw i`m lovin readin this site 

hahahaha this is nice-
the guy has no expressions whatsoever-
&& the lady who let her speak was sooo hapy- lol-


my heart aches for <3 pakistan <3 =ccc

do it && avoid if`s` later-

I would have invited friends over to
dinner even if the carpet was
stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in
the "GOOD" living room and
worried much less about the dirt
when someone wanted to light a fire
in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to
listen to my grandfather ramble
about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car
windows be rolled up on a
summer day because my hair had just
been done.

I would have burned the pink sculpted candle
 before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my
children and not worried
about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less
while watching television and
more while watching life.

I would have gone to bed when I was
sick, instead of pretending the
earth would go into a holding
pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would never have bought anything
just because it was practical,
wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed
to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months
of pregnancy, I'd have
cherished every moment realizing
that the wonderment growing inside
was the only chance in life to
assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously,
I would never have said,
"Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love you"
and more "I'm sorry".

If given another chance to do my life over.
I would seize every minute.

The key to life is not wishing you could

But to Cherish each day!

blah

already missing eid =/


*post eid blues* urghhhhh

i got this hilarious mail today